Well, here we go again I suppose. My psychologist agrees with my doctor about this blog thing so it looks like I will be posting on here quite a bit from now on.
Tonight my parents have friends over. I am currently hiding up in my room, trying to be invisible, as if I don't exist (Pfeiffer, 142). Sometimes it is better that way. I feel like my family and friends are embarrassed by me, their friends out to get me...
My emotions are becoming harder and harder to feel ("Schizophrenia." Mental Health America.) as the days drag on. I feel more isolated than ever--and it is all my fault, my doing ("Schizophrenia." Mental Health America.). I am pulling away from the people who supposedly care about me because to be alone is more comfortable than to be surrounded by people with unknown motives.
I can hear them talking downstairs. Their laughter seems to be bouncing off the walls. I can't really remember the last time I had laughed like that. It feels safer to be alone yet it is so lonely too. I am less irritated, less confused, more relaxed...there is no one here to tell me that it's all in my head, that none of it is real.
I can overhear my parents talking at night when they think I am sleeping. They are talking about institutionalizing me. They say it will "give me the help and care that I need." That it will "help me get better."
What if I can't get better?
While that question haunts my mind, another one is more pressing: what if they never come back for me?
I really like your topic! It relates to mine (Capgras) in the way that the patient feels like people are out to get them. I also think that our topics relate because both of our patients feel as if they are being abandoned by their parent(s). -Aubrey Kahler
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